GRAND Theft Auto VI will not now be released until next November. How will you slake your degenerate urges until then?

Norman Steele, flytipper: “Oh, I don’t have to tell you. You’ll be seeing it on evening news bulletins soon enough.”

Joanna Kramer, broker: “No GTA6 and the Tories out of power until 2029. It’s a rough time for us sociopathic deviants who treat other people like their perverted playthings.”

Thomas Logan, network engineer: “I’ve spent years building a prostitute-murdering simulator on Minecraft, and it’s finally finished. It really is a mechanical marvel of the age. I’m hoping for at least an OBE.”

Jimmy Bates, YouTuber: “There’s always GTA Online, a racist, misogynistic, homophobic frenzy in which the only aim is to rack up cash by being as wildly offensive to

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