HI there my little witches! Your beloved Cynthia here. I hope you’ve all been holding some space for me!

Before your kids force you see me singing the shit out of everything at the cinema, I wanted to share an anecdote. The story of how I tracked and murdered a European Herring Gull for stealing my chips. No, NOT a seagull, people. That is not a species. There is no such thing.

It all begins on a weekend trip to Margate. I’d picked up my usual haddock and chips from Pete’s Fish Factory, slathered it in ketchup and was about to tuck in. But beneath my glistening fillet, I found what can only be described as a ‘massive f**k off chip’. The biggest I’d ever seen. Perhaps the biggest chip in history.

But out of nowhere, a gull the size of a f**king pterodactyl swooped down and grabbed my rec

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