WAKING up with a hangover so physically harmful my toilet bowl melts when I urinate in it, I reflect on another momentous week in ecclesiastical affairs.

I was invited to speak on Radio 4’s Thought For The Day , a response, perhaps, on their part to accusations that they do not give atheists enough air-time.

My theme was: If God Truly Exists, For What Fucking Reason Did He Create Wes Streeting, A Charmless, Principle-Free Cunt With A Face That Looks Like Tom In The Tom And Jerry Cartoons After He’s Been Smashed In The Face With A Fucking Iron?

I requested, and was granted, a background of gentle organ music as I mused thoughtfully on this vexed theological topic, marvelling that a ‘rampant tosser, a malignant lump of ruddy ham squeezed into a fucking suit’ should be allowed to occ

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