Key points

Most people know—intellectually—the red flags of a dangerous partner.

People often deny, minimize, or rationalize these signs.

Understanding how you might be twisting your experiences could save your life.

Most of us know—intellectually—the red flags of a partner who is potentially difficult, controlling, or outright abusive. Self-help books, TV, websites, friends, or past experiences help us learn these indicators.

For example, in 2021, a Reddit survey asked readers the following question: “What are the early signs of an abusive partner?” Here’s a sample of the responses that came in:

1. They “love-bomb.” It’s a lot early on. “You’re the only one who understands.” “I’m the only one who really cares about you.” “I never met anyone like you before.” It’s a whirlwind of a

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