PHILADELPHIA, PA — To prepare for the aftermath of either winning or losing a football game, the citizens of Philadelphia have decided to pre-emptively raze the city to the ground.

"One way or the other it's going to burn," said local man Dylan Timms. "With Philly, you never have to wonder."

After nearly twenty years without a Super Bowl appearance, the city of Philadelphia is about two-thirds rebuilt from their last Super Bowl appearance. "Philly has such a tough reputation, everyone thinks it's so run-down," said long-time resident Macie Tapper. "What people don't understand is that the city was in pretty good shape before we torched it after our last Super Bowl win. Now, you might ask, why do we burn it down when we win? You might as well ask why the groundhog digs holes, or why the b

See Full Page