When the term anarchy pops up in everyday conversations, images of lawlessness and chaos after a government breakdown or catastrophic event come to mind. Think of the anti-hero comic character the Joker or the famed Sons of Anarchy series about an outlaw biker club that values family loyalty as much as violent crime.

Yet anarchy can also be understood as a belief system that emphasizes freedom and equality over authoritative rule, individuality over conformity.

These values are central to relationship anarchy, which is an approach to intimacy and human connection that’s becoming especially popular among millennials and Gen Z.

A recent survey from the Feeld dating app shows that 50 per cent of its members practise relationship anarchy, particularly those who are trans, non-binary, gender diverse or pansexual.

With an emphasis on relationships that decentre prescribed notions of love and power, relationship anarchy is a compelling new approach to interpersonal and communal connection. But what exactly is it and how can people use relationship anarchy to reinvent their relationships?

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What is relationship anarchy?

First introduced in 2006 by Swedish tech developer, writer and producer Andie Nordgren, this approach to relating uses anarchic principles like anti-capitalism, anti-hierarchy and mutual aid to resist traditional relationship models.

Nordgren outlines four building blocks of relationship anarchy:

  1. The rejection of interpersonal coercion
  2. The importance of community
  3. Mutual aid as essential support
  4. Commitments as communication, not contract

The idea is that replacing the codependence of coupledom with more expansive and effective forms of interpersonal care can build stronger communities that emphasize interdependence among people, animals and the environment.

Read more: Relationship anarchy is about creating bonds that suit people, not social conventions

Relationship anarchy is a fundamentally queer and inclusive framework that is predicated upon creating relationships that suit what people really want versus adhering to social conventions, whether because of obligation, family pressure or fear of expressing true desires.

Doing relationship anarchy means giving equal importance to friends, lovers and companions, and most practitioners are in alternative relationship structures, such as non-monogamy.

Given the social embarrassment now attached to certain kinds of relationships — as a recent Vogue piece questioning whether “having a boyfriend is embarrassing” suggests — alongside the steady rise in the number of unmarried people, many may already be adopting these radical approaches without realizing it.

How to practice relationship anarchy

If you’re interested in exploring relationship anarchy in your own life, a great place to start is by reflecting on the kinds of relationships you have been in, and the ones you desire.

How do you want these connections to feel? Have you been pressured into a monogamous partnership but really want to try something else? Do you miss friends who often slip away when you’re in a long-term relationship? Do you want to reduce the rigid boundaries that define and differentiate your relationships with friends, lovers, colleagues and family members?

Maybe you’re struggling to navigate family commitments that feel overwhelming because they crowd out the time you want to devote to self-care routines.

There are multiple entry points for bringing relationship anarchy into your life. You could tell your partner that you’d like to learn more about it and see how they respond when you share resources. You could focus your relationship energies on fostering meaningful connections with people who make up your chosen family or live in a more communal way.

Because relationship anarchy rejects labels like “friends,” “lovers” or “life partners,” you might abandon these categories in favour of more integrated ways of connecting that revolve around customized connections.

Perhaps you want to re-evaluate your consumptive patterns, which are often linked to traditional relational structures, and live in less resource-intensive ways.

Is the future of love non-hierarchical?

Whether it’s the decline of dating apps, the rise of AI matchmakers, or books about celibacy, love is at the beating heart of countless conversations and debates.

Given the growing interest in non-traditional relationships and resisting political systems that continue to tap our Earth for depleted resources, it makes sense that relationship anarchy is on the ascent. A lot of us are eager for new ways of relating that we define and navigate in our own unique ways.

Relationship anarchy also offers a way of enriching our social networks and community bonds, both of which can go a long way to reduce the social isolation and disconnection many millennials and Gen Zers experience. No relationship can address all of the complex challenges and conditions impacting younger generations, but how you relate evolves over time and relationship anarchy might offer another way of connecting that appeals to you.

You can reinvent your ideas about love and relationships so that they align with what you actually want. No, it’s not easy or straightforward — welcome to life and love — but it is possible.

In a media-saturated world that often prioritizes profit over meaningful connection, we can create alternate ways of relating that feel kinder, more collaborative and fun. Relationship anarchy might just offer the non-hierarchical antidote a lot of us are looking for.

This article is republished from The Conversation, a nonprofit, independent news organization bringing you facts and trustworthy analysis to help you make sense of our complex world. It was written by: Treena Orchard, Western University

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Treena Orchard has received funding from CIHR, SSHRC, and Western Ontario but no research monies were used in the creation of this article.