LANSING, MI — Local woman Mildred Donavon reportedly impressed her friends and family this week when she brought home the world's most effective and affordable alarm clock.

"My new clock wakes me up at the exact time it needs attention, lots of other times as well. It's very helpful," Donavon said. "Way better than my phone."

"And it's squishy. Look at my squishy little clock. SO SQUISHY!"

According to a technical booklet provided by the hospital, the baby is designed to alert users to routine maintenance needs and keep them on a strict schedule of never sleeping again.

"I didn't realize how much time I was saving before I stopped sleeping. This really is the best alarm clock in the world," Donavon's husband said. "And the best part is I don't even have to program it. The clock just do

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