The reviews for Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s poetry are in: the Health Secretary’s attempt at a sensual sonnet reads more like an adolescent’s porn fantasy.

Bestselling author Kurt Andersen dissected the 71-year-old’s poem for his alleged digital lover, 32-year-old journalist Olivia Nuzzi, which generated buzz—and nausea—after it was publicly unveiled by her scorned ex-fiancé Ryan Lizza in a nail-biting exposé.

The poem allegedly reads: “Yr open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me Love. I mean to squeeze your cheeks to force open your mouth. I’ll hold your nose as you look up at me to encourage you to swallow. ‘Dont spill a drop.’ I am a river. You are my canyon. I mean to flow through you. I mean to subdue and tame you. My Love.”

Andersen, an award-winning writer, wasn’t too impressed

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