The apocryphal gospels of the New Testament — ancient texts from early Christians telling the story of Jesus, since deemed non-canonical by the church — are mad . These now sacrilegious narratives whisper tales of talking donkeys, necrophilia, worms pouring out of King Herod’s mouth, St John banishing bed bugs, a wand-waving Jesus Christ who once brought a roast chicken back to life (which then went on to live for a thousand years) — and a Virgin Mary whose vagina could roast human flesh. All were at various points worshipped as the Truth.

Such ripe texts would make ample cinematic fodder — it’s a wonder they haven’t already been widely adapted — and it is such apocrypha that forms the rough basis for The Carpenter’s Son , which recasts the non-canonical Infancy Gospel of St Thomas in

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