ST. PETERSBURG, FL - In another incident of shocking homophobia leading up to pride month, a hate-filled straight white airline pilot has been convicted of leaving contrails across a rainbow, one of the most sacred symbols of the LGBTJFKLMNOP+/- Movement.

Despite the captain's pleas that the flight path was predetermined and only crossed the rainbow when viewed from a certain angle, the severity of the offense was such that he was unanimously convicted by the jury.

The presiding judge also cited the heinous nature of the crime when determining sentencing. "Mr. Branigan's defacement of the rainbow, a historic symbol of LGBTQUIA++?@#, is a heinous affront to gay, lesbian and trans folx across the country and a threat to justice everywhere," said Soros-funded judge Ladasha Wilks (Shx, Hxrx)

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