Key points

Grief is complex, and intense feelings like anger or depression can resurface, regardless of the time passed.

The bereaved often hide their grief. Acknowledge someone's loss—no matter how long ago it occurred.

Mistakes happen; when in doubt, extend grace to yourself.

At 33, I lost my husband to advanced adrenal cancer. Despite my master's in social work, the resulting immense sadness, anxiety , and fear were overwhelming. His funeral, just before Thanksgiving, made the first holiday season excruciating.

For three years, I coped by reading extensively about grief , which brought up my father's cancer death before my fifth birthday. This personal research evolved into global interviews with widows, from Montana to the Kibera slum, for my book, A Widow’s Guide to Heali

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