VICTORIA, BC

Concerned that increased access to thin chocolate eggs and cheap plastic toys may adversely affect the health and welfare of British Columbians, Premier John Horgan announced Tuesday that he would do everything in his power to halt construction of the massive new Kinder Surprise pipeline.

“We can’t have those little German chocolate eggs just flooding into our province,” said Horgan. “This Kinder Surprise pipeline will bring us nothing but trouble let me tell you!”

The full environmental impact of the Kinder Surprise pipeline is not yet known, though Horgan believes it’s not worth the risk.

“Can you imagine what would happen if there was a spill?” pondered Horgan. “B.C. children would be so hopped up on sugar, they’d be more uncontrollable than they already are. It’s bad e

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