If there is one thing I don’t want to get off my chest, it’s hair, which is usually ripped out by the roots when I have a medical procedure.

What I do want to get off my chest is an aortic aneurysm, which is why I recently had a CAT scan, at the end of which my chest hair was — sorry, you guessed wrong — not ripped out by the roots because a very nice and gentle radiologic technologist named Tammy felt my pain and prevented me from having it.

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