WORLD — Concerned citizens of nations around the world breathed a collective sigh of relief this week, as the individuals who comprised Jeffrey Epstein's client list assured everyone that there was no Epstein client list.

After years of speculation about the names that could be present on the list of people who were involved in Epstein's alleged global human trafficking ring, the matter was finally settled by the people on the list issuing a joint statement denying the existence of the list.

"The list that our names are on does not exist," said a representative of the people named on the list. "While it has been claimed that the presence of our names on Jeffrey Epstein's list was evidence that we were potentially guilty of horrific crimes against innocent victims, we can assure everyone

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