How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over nine years and we plan on marriage—we just haven’t gotten around to it for monetary reasons. We’re strictly monogamous and our sex life is good (though not the best it could be, I’d say—I wish he were more dominant in bed, he wishes I took more action, etc.) In the past few years, I’ve really undergone a great physical transformation and in my humble opinion am the happiest with the way I look possibly ever. I can feel this itch to want to flirt and be noticed by other people which of course I don’t give into. My boyfriend acknowledges me of course and praises my looks. But it’s been so long si

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