HOUSTON, TX - After numerous credible reports surfaced of megachurch prosperity preacher Joel Osteen "absolutely mangling" various Bible verses, a council of associate pastors at Lakewood Church voted unanimously to force the preacher to wear a body cam at all times in order to monitor his interactions with the Scriptures.

The pastor must wear the shoulder-mounted body camera throughout the day, in order to ensure that he treats all Bible verses with care, respect, and proper context.

"The camera will capture all interactions between Pastor Joel and innocent biblical texts," a spokesperson for Lakewood Church told the press. "Should another verse come forward claiming Osteen totally ripped it out of context in order to support his health and wealth gospel, we'll have an internal team rev

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