There's one Christmas lunch invite you definitely don't want arriving this month and it reads: " Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and Sarah Ferguson request the pleasure of your company at Royal Lodge…." We all have a relative we dread being sat by on December 25 as crackers bang, paper crowns pop on our heads and terrible jokes ask: "What does King Charles call his TV speech? The One show!"

Some Brits have an embarrassing uncle with a love of helicopters, golf and dodgy US financiers - others have a spend-happy auntie who left her kids cringing with some past 'Texan toe-sucking' exploits. But for Andrew and Fergie it's their last Yuletide at Royal Lodge and the roast turkey will feel as dry as an East Anglian reservoir in August.

Reluctantly they are quitting the 30-room, seven-

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