Key points

To preserve relationships, know the difference between intention and impact.

You are responsible for your impact regardless of your intention. But who is “you”?

To understand your true motives and avoid specious self-justifications, talk to your parts.

For years, possibly centuries, smart people have been teaching us the difference between intent and impact. * When I speak, I may intend one thing but what matters to you is how you receive what I say. If my speech or action doesn’t have the intended effect, who has a problem? Me, not you. In short, when it comes to our relationship, I should be concerned about my impact, not my intent. Does that mean intent is irrelevant? Well… no. My intent may not matter to you but it should matter to me.

You may understand this best if

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