Key points

Telling someone to "be more confident" is like telling them to "be taller." It’s not actionable.

Most people chase the wrong version of confidence: They’re performing it, instead of truly experiencing it.

Self-knowledge lets you choose partners who fit you, instead of trying to shrink or limit yourself.

You’re not dating to discover yourself; you’re dating to find someone compatible with who you already are.

What does true confidence look like? Source: Photo by Jonathan Klok/Unsplash

"Be more confident."

If you've ever searched for dating advice, you've seen this line a thousand times.

Worried no one will approach you? Be more confident.

Nervous about making the first move? Be more confident.

And look, the advice isn't wrong. Confidence really does matter. Research

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