MITCHELL, MB

After five years of hard work keeping the family safe, a 9V battery in the Loewen home over in Mitchell is set to conveniently expire and chirp incessantly starting at about 2 this morning.

“I’m sure glad they program these things to chirp annoyingly only in the middle of the night,” said Pedro Loewen. “We’ve got four of these around the house and Tina and I are going to spend the next several months waiting with bated breath for the post-midnight expiration of each and every one of these batteries.”

Even though these batteries have had plenty of opportunity to expire and begin chirping during daylight hours, manufacturers prefer to program them to go off sometime between 1:30 and 4 AM.

“It’s just another way we can help serve the community,” said battery manufacturer Hans

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