WASHINGTON, D.C., EARTH 741 — Recently obtained reports indicated that, somewhere in a parallel universe, President of the United States Ron Paul was currently overseeing the dawn of America's next golden age.

Astrophysicists working to open up a conduit to communicate with the alternate reality said that citizens of the America of Earth 741 said their country was entering its 3rd Golden Age since Paul was elected president in the 1988 of their timeline.

"No Fed, no taxes, no foreign wars — nothing that isn't explicitly authorized by our Constitution," President Paul was said to have told hordes of joyous Americans. "This year, we celebrate over 35 years since we ended the military-industrial complex, outlawed the Patriot Act, and ended all NSA surveillance. And the invisible hand has on

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