LOS ANGELES — Activision announced that the remake of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3+4 will include a new playable character named Matt Fresh, who doesn’t know how to skate but still thinks he’s better than Elissa Steamer, confirmed sources.

“Initially, Matt wasn’t gonna be a playable character. He was gonna be a new NPC that just gets in the players’ way, similar to Officer Dick,” said game developer Carl Davids. “But when plans for Matt were leaked, the public demanded he be playable, so we made sure he was as realistic as possible. He can flat-ground ollie on every fifth try, and he supposedly can almost kickflip. He also wants every skate session to end way earlier than anyone else does. We wanted to make sure this character was a modern version of this archetype. In the ‘90s, Elissa Steamer

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