DONALD Trump has announced that he ‘loves’ Sydney Sweeney after it emerged she’s a registered Republican. It’s a lot to process, but here’s how to ensure your relationship survives.

Focus on what you’ve got with Sydney

The last thing you want is to go off Sydney because you keep thinking of Trump. Focus on all the things you love doing together – watching her in films, looking at pictures of her tits, wanking. For God’s sake don’t let petty, irrational jealousy ruin a solid relationship like that.

Remember she is probably not a MAGA Republican

There are other Republicans besides MAGA. Admittedly they’re evil, healthcare-denying, Middle East-destabilising scum, but they’re still better than the racist, pigshit-thick MAGA rubes. And even if Sydney was a MAGA type, the distanced nature of

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