THE kiss of death for any social gathering is some dick getting out an acoustic guitar. Here are the thought processes going on in his – and it is always ‘his’ – head.

‘This is better than people talking to each other’

Yes, it’s great that conversations and flirtations have been killed stone dead by this twat getting out his guitar and becoming the focal point of the room. You may as well be at home with Spotify, which would actually be better because Charli XCX doesn’t sit in your living room being a pain in the arse if you listen to Brat .

‘Karma Police might get me laid’

Every guitar twat hopes his music will lead to sex. Look how excited he is about that attractive blonde woman politely paying attention to his tedious strumming. Unfortunately it means he’ll be choosing tunes

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