Box Of Stale Goldfish Crackers In Church Pantry Dated To Late Mesozoic Era

MEMPHIS, TN - A box of stale Goldfish crackers found in a church storage closet in Memphis has been dated to the late Mesozoic Era, sources confirmed Monday.

Desperate Sunday School teachers at Cornerstonecrosspointe Community Church ransacked the pantry after running out of saltine crackers. They finally checked on a low, neglected shelf when they spotted the box of crackers. Taking a test bite of them, they realized they were nearly petrified: "hard as a rock."

But they still served them to the kids, of course, and the crisis was averted.

Curious about just how old these crackers were, Pastor Jim Landon called in a team of scientists to utilize reliable, scientific methods to date the cheesy snacks.

"From the staleness level and our reliable dating methods, it's apparent these cracke