WASHINGTON, D.C. — The geopolitical balance of power appeared to experience a significant shift this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had gerrymandered the United States of America to now include Canada.
The savvy political maneuver by Trump completed his plan to annex Canada, simultaneously solving the U.S.'s trade deficit with its northern neighbor while also now merging the two nations into one supercountry that possessed the largest maple syrup reserve in the world.
"It's done. I drew the line myself," Trump told reporters in the Oval Office after unveiling the order. "I'm the president, and I have the power to draw the borders. This is something the president can do, everyone agrees. I included Canada, which is now our big, beautiful 51st state. Gerrymandering. It's