WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to shore up his abysmal approval ratings and poll numbers before the 2024 campaign season begins in earnest, President Joe Biden has unveiled a revamped approach to seeking re-election, including orange hair and skin, as well as the new campaign slogan "Make the United States Superb a Second Time."

"MUSSAST BLIDLERBERGEN!" Biden shouted while wearing a baseball cap emblazoned with the new slogan at a press conference. "Listen up, folks! Here's the deal. If you elect me…re-elect me…once again…re-elect me again…another time…I'm going to take a hard line on this immigration stuff. I'm gonna build a…a…build a barrier…thing. On the border. And I'm gonna make the American people pay for it. Harvinzibergarbint!"

Sources within the Biden campaign acknowledged the

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