WASHINGTON D.C. - After the release of the Mueller Report, which stated there was no evidence that President Donald Trump had committed a crime, Trump held an awards ceremony in which he gave away what he described as "the most prestigious award ever in all history" - the Presidential Medal of Not Committing Crimes. The recipient: himself.
"I am honored to give this award to me," Trump told the press and the one non-press member in attendance, Vice President Mike Pence, whom Trump stared at every so often to get him to clap. "This is only given to someone who, after a long and exhaustive investigation, was found to have not committed crimes and to be the most honest and law-abiding person ever."
Trump then went on to note that he is the only president to ever receive the award. "Does tha