Pitchfork Writer Visiting Home Describes Mom’s Dinner as "A Derivative Slog Through White Suburban Mediocrity"

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — Music critic Sophie McKennitt brutally lambasted her mother’s cooking during a recent visit home, according to stunned cousins.

“As a child who knew no better, I found my mother’s cooking to be adequate,” said McKennitt while downing kimchi in an effort to cleanse her palate. “It was utilitarian and bland, but served its purpose. However, after I moved out and got to experience all that global food culture had to offer, I was able to see my mom’s cooking for the tedious swill it is. Last night she made tuna noodle casserole, which was utterly pedestrian and uninspired. This woman thinks paprika is too adventurous. Her cooking fails to provide even the barest minimum in terms of flavor while contributing nothing to the greater culinary conversation. Do better, mom.”