WALDHEIM, SK

A minor hockey association in a predominantly Mennonite town has decided to officially forbid players from completing the infamous ‘Gordie Howe Hat Trick.’

“We don’t mind people going two-thirds of the way into the hat trick, but, as pacifists, we don’t believe our young men and women should be out there on the ice fighting,” explained Minor Hockey Association member Doug Heinrichs. “Get your goal. Get your assist. But leave it at that.”

Mr. Hockey was a hero to Canadians everywhere, but non-violent Mennonites are forbidden from fully emulating the Saskatchewan-born NHL legend.

“During one game last year, I got an assist near the end of the first period,” explained young Billy Reimer. “Then I got my first ever goal at the beginning of the second to put our team up by one.

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