Are you in need of profile photos for Instagram or Hinge? Don’t want to hire a photographer because the boys might think you’re “gay” or something? Try starting a band!

Starting a band is super easy! All you need to do is find two to four other like-minded dudes with entrenched homophobia and learn to play bass. Once those are ready, it’s time for the photoshoot! In terms of location, any foreclosed building, ideally a Church or fire-damaged Wendy’s, will do. The loading dock of Sam’s Club is a personal favorite. Thankfully, the United States is a failed theocratic oligarchy, so dilapidated infrastructure for band photoshoots is plentiful.

Who takes the photos? As the bass player, it’s your responsibility to get your mom to take the photos for free, since it’s likely everyone in the band

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