I STALK the airport, mind keen, senses honed. Watching for the subhuman scum who walk among us, flouting the law with cabin bags larger than 40cm by 30cm by 20cm.

You can’t tell by looking at their faces. No, this filth is clever as well as duplicitous. By all appearances they’re happy holidaymakers, chatting and laughing, ready for a stag night in Prague or a few days in Malaga. Keeping their evil hidden.

No, it’s not the faces I scrutinise from behind my mirrored sunglasses, my hands clenched like claws, my grimace fixed. It’s the cheating, immoral bastards’ cabin bags.

The rules are clear. One bag, to be placed under the seat, of regulation size. The measurement bins are right there by the automated check-in. The law is neither to be flouted or mocked.

The minute I see a bag that ex

See Full Page