HELL - With the lifting of CDC guidance regarding masks for vaccinated persons, Satan has released a statement assuring the damned that masks will still be required in all levels of hell.

In addition to masks, everyone will be forced to wear glasses that fog up instantly and you can never, ever clean them. Masks will only be of the thick, cloth variety that retains the smell of everything you ate for the past three weeks, and only enough air will get through to stay conscious.

"Hell really has very strict standards," explained the Prince of Darkness. "People come in with these terrible preconceptions, but I run a pretty tight ship around here. The number of masks you have to wear corresponds to the circle of Hell you reside in, which goes to eight right now - Dante was so close! If you e

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