WASHINGTON — The contest between White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller and YouTube superstar Mr. Beast shows no signs of winding down at the close of its third day, according to rapt audience members.

“This is the match-up of the century and I’m on the edge of my seat!” exclaimed sports commentator Herb Culp. “I’ve been here for all 72 hours and will continue to provide up to the minute play-by-play until a winner is declared. These are truly two of the most dead-eyed contestants I’ve ever seen. This is a classic battle between a pair of world-class athletes who are clearly bereft of anything resembling a human soul. I’ve seen sharks with more emotive eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, this is one for the books.”

Byron Steadman is closely following the match, having placed a large Po

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