Conflict is often viewed as a threat to intimacy —an indicator that something is fundamentally wrong. However, conflict has a more nuanced reality: For some couples that have put in the work to make their relationship foundation healthy, arguments serve as a process through which emotional closeness is deepened.

When managed constructively, conflict can become a mechanism for growth, understanding, and secure attachment . This is the “conflict paradox”: Some couples argue, but often grow closer as a result of it.

This is not the same as living for the intensity and rush of a conflict and feeling bonded after. It means being deeply grounded in your connection and putting the relationship first, despite unwanted conflict.

Here are three psychological reasons why some couples engage in

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