Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My younger sister “Harper” just shared with me that she and her husband are excited to be expecting a baby. She told me she was only telling our parents and a few trusted family members and asked me to help her keep the news secret until after the baby is born!

I knew immediately that this was because of our older sister “Ronnie.” Ronnie and her husband have struggled with infertility for years. After 10 miscarriages, Ronnie has reached a point where she will not be in the same room with a pregnant woman or a baby if she can help it.

Harper also told me that she is also going to forgo having a baby shower “out of respect for what Ronnie is going t

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