So you finally up and bought that expensive bass guitar, but you're still not sure if you've got what it takes to be a real-life church bassist. Well, don't you fret, and don't you fear — we at the Babylon Bee have donned fake beards and lumberjack beanies in order to conduct vast amounts of undercover research into what exactly you'll need if you want to be a church bassist.

Here are the top nine requirements. There aren't many, but they're only for the few and the bold. Take a look!

Access to a bass: Makes sense.

At least two fingers: So that you can play both of the notes bassists play during each song.

Never heard of a sharp or a flat: In fact, the inability to hear sharps and flats is even better.

Ability to nod head slowly: Extra points if you can kinda sigh "Yes, Lord" unde

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