Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here . (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

I need a sanity check on what I owe to my sister. We are both in our late 30s. She and I grew up comfortably middle class, but not rich. Our parents divorced due to our mother’s affair. Mom ended up remarrying her new partner, who was significantly more wealthy. No one ever cut anyone off, but for 10-15 years our relationship with Mom was distant. After her second husband passed away she did make more of an effort to reconnect.

When Mom’s health declined she named me her power of attorney. She had inherited her second husband’s entire estate (he never had children of his own), and upon the advice of Mom’s lawyer and accountant I used the power o

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