How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

“Carmen” and I have had six wonderful months of dating and sex. Then one night, while in the spoon position, we started having sex. I remember it felt physically different.

It wasn’t necessarily tight, but more snug than usual. It was a nice, slow jam. We finished, and she said, “Let me get you a cloth to wipe it off.” I didn’t understand. It turns out it was anal sex.

We’d never discussed anal sex. I don’t think it’s a priority for either of us. She said nicely and politely that I could have asked if she wanted to have anal sex. I didn’t know I was going into that hole, and told her so. She became angry and said I must be lying. We mutual

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