WAYNE Rooney has admitted drinking throughout his Manchester United career, explaining a great deal. Perhaps these other luminaries were smashed the whole time:

Theresa May, prime minister from 2016-2019

A baffling chapter in our nation’s recent history would snap into sense if May was discovered to be throwing back sauce. The multiple Brexit votes on an unchanged bill were because of blackouts, the failure to meet any deadline because time ceases to be real on the Glenfiddich, that conference speech. After all, we spent those years pissed.

The Rosetta team who landed a craft on a comet, 2014

Drunks are capable of astonishing physical feats unavailable to the sober, like throwing a bike tyre up so it lands around a lamppost, then losing interest and wandering off. After getting Rosetta

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