A WOMAN is so in love with autumn she has attempted to take it home and f**k it, concerned friends have confirmed.

Hannah Tomlinson, aged 27, is so enraptured by the season’s cosy ambience, dappled golden sunlight, clear days and lengthening twilights she headed to the local woods to seduce it.

She said: “Summer is all showy and needy, winter is cold and distant, but autumn is the perfect balance of moody, mysterious and fertile. Keats wrote an ode to autumn, clearly as a prelude to full penetrative sex.

“I just feel if I could tempt it back to my place for a few maple-laced bourbons then we’d naturally take our relationship to the next level. Then I’d have autumn all year round.

“Not everyone understands. The police found me exposing my nether regions to that crisp autumnal breeze, wh

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