Key points

Thoughts and acts of vengeance undermine our healing from the pain of real or perceived transgressions.

Vengeance hijacks attention to the pain of feelings such as hurt, shame, sadness, powerlessness and loss.

Staying with vengeance strengthens our sense of victimhood.

Grieving is the pathway away from the paralysis of vengeance.

“When we focus on revenge instead of healing, we never heal.” –Deborah Ross

Vengeance is both a state of mind as well as a potential impetus to action. It is a response to a transgression, real or perceived, that includes thoughts of revenge. But if you were to examine the moment-to-moment progression from triggering event to vengeance, it begins with labeling the event as a transgression, accompanied by emotional pain. And while it may culminat

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