How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My wife and I are deeply in love and are both very affectionate. She’s in her mid-50s, I’m in my mid-60s. Just for background, she’s never had an orgasm through penetrative, manual, or oral sex, though she regularly has one with oral sex and a vibrator and dirty talk. Our problem is sort of unrelated and actually my fault. In the past, my orgasm was always triggered by my partner’s, and without her orgasm, I sometimes take a long time or don’t finish at all, and she’ll get tired and say things like, “Come on, bring it on home!” which really kills any chance of coming for me. I once made the mistake of asking if she could make some sounds of pleasur

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