How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a gay man in a relatively new relationship. The connection is deep and the sex is phenomenal, but I’ve recently started having a mental breakdown over his favorite sex position.

I made it clear from the start that I was strictly vers (I need it all) and that I couldn’t be in an exclusive bottom/top relationship long-term. However, for one reason or another, I’ve only bottomed from the start. It was only once he stated that he was, to my surprise, a vers top and interested in exploring bottoming with me that I even opened up to an emotional relationship with him.

That conversation was about six months ago, and even though the sex continues to

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