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Provoked by Democratic lawmakers calling on the military to refuse orders from their commander-in-chief, President Donald Trump made several posts on Truth Social declaring a long list of crimes as sedition and punishable by death.

The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of crimes that will be met with swift justice:

Fast-forwarding through his cameos in Home Alone 2 and The Little Rascals : "This is HATE SPEECH and LITERAL VIOLENCE. Thank you for your attention to this matter!"

Getting his McDonald's order wrong: "I used to work there. I was a TREMENDOUS and TALENTED fry cook, everyone said so. I NEVER GOT AN ORDER WRONG!"

Failing to rewind a videotape before returning it to Blockbuster: "If you keep doing this, we WON'T HAVE A COUNTRY ANYMORE

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