We ask you: so did you manage to get anyone before the end of cuffing season, or what?

CUFFING season is over. Did you manage to trap another human being into spending winter with you, or will you perish in a blizzard alone?

Steve Malley, speech therapist: “My wife of 22 years, Madeline. And though it might seem a foregone conclusion we performed the ritual cuffing dance in the bower I built from twigs beautifully.”

Sophie Rodriguez, pharma rep: “He’s a four. I’m an eight. We’ll spend 16 beautiful weeks together then I’ll dump him. He will yearn for that winter to come again until his dying day.”

Helen Archer, historian: “Certainly did. Wait, this is about relationships? I should never have headbutted that copper?”

Joe Turner, brewmaster: “I’ve ended up with my mate Matt again. That’s the last six winters! People are going to think that’s what we’re into.”

Justin Tr