OTTAWA, ON

Knowing he was soon going to face the biggest scandal of his political career, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made sure Canadians “had a few months to get nice and toasted” before the scandal broke.

“What SNC-Lavalin?” remarked Trudeau at a brief press conference outside his office. “Here, have you tried this new strain?”

In an act of sheer political genius, the Trudeau Liberals calculated precisely the amount of time it would take to get everyone high before the news would come out.

“I knew there would be supply issues at first, so I couldn’t fire Jody Wilson-Raybould until we got that settled,” said Trudeau. “It’s been a few months, so I’m sure, by now, no one’s paying attention to my shenanigans at all!”

Knowing there might be a few sober individuals still left i

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