U.S. - After almost a year of suffering under a devastating killer pandemic, America was relieved to learn that the pandemic is officially over.

"We knew Joe Biden was the great healer who would bind all our wounds, open the eyes of the blind, and restore freedom to the captives," said Brian Stelter in a tear-filled monologue. "But we truly underestimated just how powerful Biden's healing powers were. We are proud to declare this pandemic officially over. It went away. Just like a miracle. Praise be!"

As it turns out, Biden's secret plan to deal with the pandemic was simply to get elected. At this point, it's not entirely clear how Biden's election is related to the departure of COVID, but scientists said they don't really feel like looking into it because they're so tired from doing so

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