SOUTHPORT, N.C. — A veteran Southport slasher slash longshoreman is “beyond embarrassed” after botching the timeline in a series of threatening missives mailed to local youths, confirmed sources.

“As I get older, the years are just sort of blurring together,” said the killer. “I actually suspected I might be a little confused and had an early draft that read, ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer Or Perhaps The Summer Before,’ but that just felt so, I don’t know… clunky. You know, I do sometimes find myself reeling in a marlin or standing over a mutilated human corpse with no idea how I got there. And just last week I asked my wife where my shiny black head-to-toe foul-weather gear was and she was like, ‘Um, honey, you’re wearing it.’ But some things you never forget, and I am positive that at

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