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Hey folks, Bernie Sanders here! I am once again asking for your support in eradicating systemic poverty from the face of the earth. America can do it, but we won't because America is immoral and Elon Musk has all the money. Horrible! I have a simple ten-step plan that is foolproof — and I should know because I've been to the Soviet Union and it's a paradise over there, let me tell you!

Here are the steps:

Abort all the poor babies: Fewer poor babies means fewer poor people. It's simple math, which I am very good at.

Tax rich people until they're poor: If everyone is poor then no one will be.

Give everyone money until they become middle class: We cannot rest until Tom Hanks and John Doe are shopping at the same grocery store. Then maybe I can get an a

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